Thank you for your support…

It’s been a hectic two weeks. New workplace, a new set of colleagues, challenges and opportunities… But with the good has come some not so good. Minion’s been sick almost the full week with a bad case of viral fever and cough. I took a day off, my sister pitched in for another two days and the playschool has been super supportive as well. So even though it was difficult to leave him at his playschool every morning at 7 20, it really made me appreciate the value of good support. I can try doing things on my own but I won’t be able to. That is a fact. I’ll need the help of people, and irrespective of whether the help is from family, people I pay for, or the help or kindly strangers who listen to a frazzled and worried mum on the metro and tell her to persist ‘coz it’ll get better, this help is highly appreciated and welcome. Thank you all. And hopefully Minion will be mostly better by Monday…

Excited about new opportunity!

Yay!

So in case anyone’s still interested after a delay of nearly 1.5 months, I finally joined a new place and today was my first day! It did not tick all the requirements I had sort of listed down last time, the biggest offender being the 2 hour commute (one way). But the position is definitely a step up in terms of responsibility as well as compensation. I will be working outside my comfort zone in the sense that I am the project lead and thus responsible for keeping a team of 6-8 very bright young people on track and excited. Technologically too I should be able to work in new skill areas, most likely android app development. The company is as startup working in the micro-logistics space that is heavily invested into the technologies involved.

I hope things go well 🙂

More later.

To My Son, With Love.

Dear Minion

I’ve wanted to write to you ever since I first knew I was going to be a mother. I wanted to put down our hopes and our dreams, and also share our life with you before we had you. Someday in  the future, I thought, when my baby’s all grown up, he/she would be able to know the stories from our very ordinary lives, even if I’ve forgotten them. Yet, I didn’t write. I could give excuses and you would understand, my all grown up future son. Yet, I don’t think I want to give any excuses. I wanted to write, not had to. I’ve seen too many parents fall into the trap of feeling guilty too often for things they are not required to do. So yes, I did want to write to you, when I first knew about you, when you were born, when you turned a month old, when you turned 6 months old, a year old, and most days in between. Yet I didn’t because of a number of reasons.

But I write today. And the most important thing I’ve to tell you is that I love you. I’ve loved you in a vague, bemused way since I first thought about having a child. I experienced the miracle of a life being created with you and every phase of that journey was awe inspiring even if it wasn’t personally the most comfortable of times.

I remember when I first glimpsed you. You were so pink (and so loud) 🙂 and I met you face to face a short while later and you seemed so small, so delicate. I had trouble believing you were all mine. Later your dad showed me your first ever pic and you look super angry at the world with a huge frown on your tiny face 🙂 ‘I was quite comfortable where I was!’ I can imagine you complaining 🙂 I’ve loved you then, with me only being able to sleep in snatches coz you were asleep beside me in the crook of my arms and I was scared I’d roll over in sleep and crush you 🙂

I could write pages and pages here recounting infinite moments from your first years, and I hope I remember them all when you ask me for your stories. I’d tell you about how you’ve always slept too less for your age and how the first six to eight hours after your birth, you were the only one awake in the room, quietly taking in this strange new world you found yourself in. I’d tell you how you’d cover your eyes with your palms and nap. I’d tell you how you looked like a frog when my mum would give you a massage. About how you’d cry as you were bathed in a big paraat ( a flat bottomed vessel used for kneading dough in India) while I avidly watched the process trying to learn the steps…

I’d tell you that you had tiny arms and your tiny hands barely reached your ears at full extension. I’d tell you of the long serious discussions your dad and I had as regards choosing your name. I really believe that names have some effect on the child’s personality. We always wanted you to be happy in life, and so named you our everlasting joy.

But most of all, I’d tell you we loved you. Even though you ruined your nani’s sleep and disrupted your mama’s studies, even though I rarely got sleep and ached everywhere, even though your dad had to spend hours in the traffic so that he could visit us every few days, we loved you sooo much. We still do.

I will write frequently now that I’ve made a beginning. Ever since losing my dad, I’ve wished I had more letters he wrote for me or about me. Though I hope to have long years yet ahead of me to spend with you and your dad, I wish to write to you regardless 🙂

Love you loads.

Mum

How Plans Change

So it’s been a weird kind of fortnight throughout, personally as well as professionally. In my last post I had identified a tentative plan for how I see things panning out in the near and middle future. But roughly two weeks later and the ‘plan’ seems to have gotten mangled by ‘life’ 😛

Happens. Deep breath. Things changed. Maybe there was a bit of overestimation of my willpower/abilities involved. Certainly there was an underestimation of the negative effects of stress.

To recap, the job search quest is chugging along, in fits and starts. I’ve managed to get calls from a few places for the initial telephonic interview/online test. Some have gone well, a few have been clear disasters. And I still don’t have a clue as to where I am likely to end up. Still following leads and trying to remain positive and patient. But it’s hard and it’s overall been a period of low level stress and worry everyday. A looooooong silence after an interview you thought had gone well is the worst I think. Every day there is a mental pressure that I should be revising another topic, practising coding, looking up puzzles… And there’s still the office work to be done, Minion to entertain and the household stuff that at a minimum needs to be managed.

No wonder I fell sick. Cough, cold and viral. I feel a bit better today though I’m still on medications. Taekwondo has fallen to the wayside during this time. I just do not seem to have the mental energy to spare towards ensuring I wake up on time and attend the class. Or maybe it’s just an excuse…

Secretaire is still alive, but I suspect that’s largely because I had put an upper cap on it rather than a minimum-amount-of-work limit. Anyway, had a discussion regarding that with a few other people, and the consensus seems to be that

1. The idea has merit (if you can pull it off)
2. Focus on the algorithms and the db first, presentation second.
3. When it comes to presentation, focus on Mobile first, web second.

So that results in a near 180 degree shift from my earlier approach of concentrating on presentation first, logic second. I wasn’t very happy with the earlier approach anyway since my current experience has been mostly on backend. Incorporating the inputs I’ve received would mean my high level priorities for secretaire should be.

1. DB, Logic and algorithms first. I’m also ditching Ruby for now. I’ve worked with python and Django enough that I could start working on secretaire’s backend right away. I just don’t have time right now to devote to Ruby for the next few months.
2. Develop the backend with a web services perspective. The presentation will be highly decoupled from the logic. This is important since we want our future mobile app as well as web app to be able to utilise the same backend.
3. Once the minimal backend work is in place, develop user facing app for Android.

The reason for picking Android is relatively simple, there are no huge development costs associated. iOS development would mean getting a Mac for development and an iPhone for testing etc. I already have an Android smartphone. So initial costs with Android are way lower.

As far as learning goes, my aim was to pick up one or more of Ruby, Javascript, Node.js, Android App development or iOS App development. So let me make things a bit easier for myself. I’ll make it easy to start off by utilising skills I already have. By the time I need to start on Android App, I should have enough momentum to not get intimidated by the newness. Also by that time I should have a much better idea of how that theoretical app should behave.

Let’s see how long this version of the ‘plan’ lasts 🙂

Cya

 

Priorities and Life Goals III – The Plan

I promised in my last post (Priorities and Life Goals II –  The Current Situation) that I’d post soon about drafting a plan given the current concerns and situation. So I’ve already started working on some of these points, and the rest will hopefully fall into place sooner rather than later. 🙂

The main concerns for me right now are Money, Job change, Taekwondo, Secretaire, Rental issues and generic concerns about managing day to day life (like most people). Let’s take them one at a time here (in no particular order of importance) –

Taekwondo – There’s nothing earth shattering that needs to be done. I have already enrolled in the classes, paid the money. Now I just need to make sure I get up in time to make the 6 AM class. I checked with the trainer today and he said I could bring Minion along in case DH was out of the city, and we’ll see how that goes. So just some mental fortitude needed, the stamina etc should improve gradually on its own.

Job Change – I thought about my interests, ideal working life etc, and the ideal job for me right now would be –

• Does not require relocation. (Non negotiable)
• Pays decent money. (values for decent can vary depending on how good the remaining 3 factors are)
• Lets me work on something interesting using Python or C++ (nice to have, but I need a job, not my calling)
• Doesn’t have a totally crazy schedule (factors would be work hours, work loads, commute, team) (Very important, probably wouldn’t be able to manage a lot of craziness here for long)
• Gives me a chance to learn one or more of these – Ruby, Javascript, Node.js, Android App development or iOS App development, either as part of job, or by having other people/teams working on these for me to bug 😛 (Bonus. I talked to one of my ex colleague that with no experience in mobile dev, how to I get to a stage where I can get a role doing that. He suggested I learn as many of these as possible, focusing on getting very comfortable with them one at a time. So if I have possible mentors at work, it’ll be a big bonus.)

Now I know you’ll say that I’m greedy and want everything! I say that if I don’t know the ideal thing, how’ll I decide where to try? I think these factors are more or less in their order of importance… I’ve already uploaded my resume a few places and got a few initial calls.. I have all twenty fingers (including toes :P) crossed hoping that something suitable turns up…

Rental Issues – In the meantime the builder contacted us with the welcome news that our new (smaller) flat might be ready by September. So that means if it takes another month or two to get the customization & wood work etc done, we might be able to move in by December… Sure the society won’t have many families living there initially, and it’ll not have convenient options for grocery shopping, an existing maid network (living in India, affordable household help is probably the biggest support for a family) etc available right away… But I think it’ll be worth it. Plus financially it should reduce some burden since we’d just have to manage the EMI rather than also fork out the rent (which has gotten insane!) every 1st. So I just need to hold out for a few more months (hopefully) 🙂

So the plan that seems to be sketching itself out is to concentrate on preparing for interviews and aiming for a good job in the short term. The rental issue will take care of itself in its own time. Taekwondo doesn’t need too much effort from me.

When it comes to Secretaire, I think it can fulfil multiple duties.

• I’ll have something interesting to work on as a side project even if the daily work is not that interesting.
• I’ll get to create something useful for myself (and hopefully for others).
• I can use it to learn a few of those technologies/skills I was talking about earlier. I’m thinking I should concentrate on Javascript and Ruby…
• Stretch Goal – If things go unexpectedly well, I might consider making it public (thereby creating a tiny, additional revenue stream)

But I think I need to make it clear to myself that for now this has the lowest priority. I’m only allowed to work on it if my brain’s not taking any other information in while preparing for technical interviews. And I’m not allowed to work on it for more than 2 hrs a day in any case (I know I’ll start finding excuses otherwise). I also need to remember that ramping up at the new job will need to have the biggest priority initially. Basically, I love you secretaire, but you will have to be happy with whatever time and energy I’m able to spare for now. 🙂

I’m in an enviable position as regards my current job in that my employer (it’s a small company, not primarily working in software) knows I’m looking for something new and doesn’t mind so long as I don’t neglect my current responsibilities (which aren’t that time consuming)

Yay for understanding employers!

Related articles

• Priorities and Life Goals II – The Current Situation
• Introspection – Revisiting Priorities and Life Goals

Priorities and Life Goals II – The Current Situation

So in thematic continuation of my last post, I’ve been revisiting my goals, priorities etc the last few days (maybe weeks? Seems like this is something that sort of keeps going on in the background…), and it’s been interesting…

As expected, there wasn’t much of a change in the core values, health, happiness, family and financial security are still the major themes. However I spent some more time analysing where I am and figuring out some kind of tentative plan given the current situation. Many of these realisations are not sudden, but it helps to collect all pertinent inputs at one point. So that is the focus of this post – evaluating and summarising the CURRENT SITUATION. Without having a clear view of that, I don’t think there’d be much sense in deciding on a plan, either short OR medium term.

So here’s a quick recap of my thoughts (in no particular order of importance), and my internal comments about them 😛 (for interest you may look at this post to compare with earlier versions 🙂 )

1. I’ve confirmed that I learning something concrete is something I enjoy. It really energises me. That ought to have been obvious!
2. I enjoy getting to pick technologies I’d work on for a project. But it’s probably too much to expect this level of freedom in all professional situations.
3. I hate living in a rented apartment and would willingly move to a smaller place which was my own and where I’d be free to customise things my way. Maybe it’s just me, but I just can’t seem to summon up interest in prettifying our current place, even though it’s got potential. Relatively stupid point I know, but it’s really become a source of irritation lately.
4. I am not happy with our finances. More specifically, I’m not happy with mine. Need to improve my earnings and better manage expenses, savings and investments.
5. Thus, for starters, I need a new, better paying job. The current one has been great as regards flexibility and learning opportunity and was heaven sent when I was expecting Minion, despite the huge pay-cut I agreed to. But it’s no longer suiting. Apart from the finances, there hasn’t been much learning going on either for the last few months.
6. However I’m also concerned about how it’d affect Minion. As the situation stands today, DH is frequently out of the city, and gets home pretty late. The crèche we use is working out great but the work load, timings and location might not work with a new job. Note concerns here and recognise that you’ll have to balance the relevant factors to the best extent possible. Now move on.
7. The waking up early thing is still not consistently successful. What is wrong with you? This item has been on your focus list since last 5 years at least. Even if you find it difficult to get up early naturally, there’s just no other option! Where else will you find time for stuff you want to do?
8. Taekwondo has been off to a good start but I can notice some slacking off lately. I know it’s hard. And it hurts to do everything after a class.. But if you let it fall away yet again.. you know it’ll make you feel worse. Not to mention it’s the only consistent time you work your body beyond the basic walking and lifting groceries deal. So chin up.
9. I love secretaire – the concept of it, figuring out how to build it, actually working on it. So try and not let it fall through the cracks coz of the other stuff going on.
10. I still love the ‘idea’ of writing.. But that is probably just clouding the scenario. I doubt you have the time or energy or the ideas or the discipline to pursue this right now. Postpone this for now and re-evaluate next time. And since next time here probably means in a few months max, don’t whine, we’ll eventually get to this too (hopefully :P)

That’s it for the sitrep. Will have a new post soon about drafting a short/medium term plan given current concerns.

Cya

Introspection – Revisiting Priorities and Life Goals

If there is one thing we introverts like doing, it is thinking. I’ve spent countless hours imagining stuff, working out hypothetical scenarios, dreading imaginary disasters.. you get the picture I am sure. However if there’s one thing I’ve found genuinely useful and learnt to enjoy, it’s regularly revisiting my life goals and priorities.

It has always seemed slightly tragic to me when people rue the choices they made in times past. Everyone of us has some advice for our past versions, courtesy hindsight. We know ourselves better today than we did five, ten or twenty years back. We are usually more confident in our skin, have a better idea of where we’d like to go, and a better sense of how the world works. That is natural. Yet I don’t want to be the woman who achieved a much greater financial success at 45 than she dreamed of, but has no clear memories of her son’s early years. I don’t want to be the woman who sighs at 50, rubbing her aching, swollen knees, and wishes she had not given such a low priority to her own health while she was young. I don’t want to be the woman who at 60 wishes she had developed some of her hobbies enough to have something interesting to do today.

If you can identify something you may come to regret badly five, ten, twenty, forty years down the line, then it seems to me that that potential regret should make it to your list of concerns. You need to figure out who you are today, what makes you feel happy and excited today, what your short term priorities are, and align them with your long term vision of your life. You need to continuously and regularly be aware of what you ask from this life. Identify those aspects in life which will guide you throughout life. And you need to adjust them as and when required.

I think I’ve identified my basic life goals. I wish for myself and my loved ones to be healthy and happy. That’s pretty much it at the core.

Now here’s where it gets interesting. If I want to make these the guiding principles of my life, I need to know what makes me happy and excited today. Which futures scare me? What can I do in the short term that will increase our present and future happiness and health? Which behaviours and habits should I try to incorporate in (or weed out of) our daily life?

As I keep trying to answer these questions, over time certain themes emerge. It would be difficult to be healthy and happy without a minimal level of financial security. That means I need to pay attention to our finances and my career. Which for now might mean evaluating if I need to learn that new programming language, or switch companies. Strained relationships would definitely make our family unhappy. This makes me think more in the direction of what kind of a home atmosphere and family dynamic I want to promote today. Which tendencies in myself do I want to avoid. Maybe I need to listen more, judge less quickly, cultivate patience…

You see what I mean? If you know what you want in you life, you can ask questions to yourself that will help you figure out the areas you should be concentrating on today. These exercises of course involve attempts to chart a course with minimal inputs. But in any case you need to decide on today’s actions based on your understanding and wisdom today, not your advice from five years later. This approach works well for my mental peace, and I no longer feel quite so overwhelmed with things after one of these sessions. I just need to remember that these are tentative plans, and should be re-evaluated whenever new inputs arrive, or whenever something disruptive happens.

This way I hope to avoid serious regrets later in life. I know that’s probably overly optimistic, but it’s better than having no plan and trusting to luck…

What do you think?

The link between visualisation and being more self-aware.

Over the last few weeks, the term visualization technique has been coming up a little too often while browsing the net. For those needing a bit of simple explanation, it essentially says that one can achieve goals, success etc in the ‘real’ world by visualizing it over and over and believing in it. Now I can’t quite swallow the idea that just visualising myself getting fitter would do one bit towards making me fitter if I don’t put in the effort needed. I need to consistently exercise in the right way, eat right, and not give in to laziness and temptation too often. Just imagining myself as this lean toned lady isn’t going to help.

Honestly, I’m slightly ashamed to tell you that I did just this when I was preparing for my engineering entrance exams the first time round. I’d waste time daydreaming/imagining how amazing it’d be to go to class with intelligent, curious people, be taught by seriously awesome professors, live in a hostel (ok childish I know but I was not even 17 then!) and learn different new skills, . It didn’t work out like that and I essentially tanked my examinations. I wouldn’t say the daydreaming was the only factor, but the dismal results really opened my eyes to reality. Wishing for a thing doesn’t make it happen all by itself. You need to put in the sweat, blood and tears that it needs. You need that focus, that energy and that attitude a lot more than you need prayers and positive imagery.

I wouldn’t say that prayers and positive visualization don’t have their place. They really help with reducing nervousness and increasing confidence. They also probably serve as motivation to many people. What I don’t believe is that you just need to believe something will happen and it will. That’s too simplistic and all discussions on this topic should make that clear 🙂

Now that the caveats are out of the way, I still think visualization is a pretty nifty trick. Pretty much everyone is running after success. Trying to visualise that would actually force them to think about what success means to them. What do they see their life as like once they’ve achieved that mythical success? Do they see themselves giving celebrity interviews to Times magazine? Their restaurant consistently in the best restaurants lists of the country? Holidaying in the Alps with their family? What?

The popular culture is sceptical of introspection, but I sincerely believe you need to build a genuine model of yourself over time. That’s the basis for everything. You are unique in this world and who you are, what makes you feel happy or excited, what your fears are, what fascinates you, what values drive you, which professions and lifestyles inspire you, all of it will affect your life. It’ll affect others in your life, your partner, your friends, your family, your colleagues… It’ll affect how you approach goals, how you measure success, and what makes you happy.

Visualization, to me, is like a trick forcing me to distill some aspects of myself into words, images, and conscious thoughts. And every time I do it, I may discover a new piece of knowledge about myself. All this focus on ‘self’ probably sounds very selfish (haha), but it isn’t truly. I sincerely believe that the better you know yourself, the better you can empathise. You have a better idea of the kind of motivations that drive people. How even someone basically good can experience destructive emotions. Being self-aware makes you more forgiving of people, and more willing to give them the benefit of doubt.

And it really helps you see the bigger picture in terms of your life, and how it interconnects with so many other peoples. How various factors sometimes make it turn in surprising way. It lets you see the hand of your parents and mentors in your values, behaviours and personality.

Ok this is going off track. I had intended writing about visualization, not singing praises in the cause of being self aware 😛 Better stop before this post ends up somewhere even weirder.

First Taekwondo class – Yay and Ouch!

I had mostly given up on taekwondo classes due to lack of interested people. Now it seems I had been too quick to have lost hope. I met the trainer while returning home from office and he told me 2 more women had shown interest and we will be meeting up to decide timings, frequency etc on Sat morning. ‘Oh good’, I thought. “Maybe this will work out.”

And it did. First trial class was on Sunday morning 6-7. Now I am not really a morning person, but I’d like to be. So I got to the society park at 6 all eager to start. I basically collapsed after 15 minutes. Couldn’t even handle the stretches and the generic exercises. I was dizzy and there was a weird rushing noise in my ears. So I rested. 10 minutes rest (just trying to catch my breath), then attempt to follow along for 5 minutes and then again try n catch my breath. It wasn’t pretty at all.

But never mind. I am doing this for myself. For an exercise averse person like me, I think I have done pretty well in coming back to my pre pregnancy weight (Not to mention I’ve been lucky as hell), but the stamina is just not there. So though I’d like to shave off another 3-4 Kgs off, I am more concerned with the lack of stamina and an exercise routine that feels doable. I know from the last time I tried taekwondo (that was way back in college.. more than 5 years back now) that the first day experience was not exactly a surprise. It was however slightly worse than last time. That time I managed to last for half an hour I think… 

Anyway, I know that things will improve after around 5-10 more classes. I’ll be able to feel myself making progress on my fitness related goals. So even though the muscles throughout my body are twinging and hurting, I am hopeful. Yay for a fitness activity non-exercisers like me can get behind 🙂

Cheers

The last 2 Weeks

This seems to be turning into a bad habit. I guess It’d be more precise to say that this is a habit which I haven’t been able to get past. I again took too long to return here. But I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, it was a space of over 3 weeks last time and this time it’s 2 weeks 😛 Maybe the posting interval will eventually come down to a few days… I hope to be able to post at least weekly eventually.. Let’s see how long the process takes 🙂

I don’t have much updates to post though. I did meet up with a very good friend of mine from college. I had to attend a cousin’s wedding out of town, and decided to turn a social obligation I wasn’t much looking forward to into an opportunity to catch up with her. Do you sometimes feel that though we don’t really talk about anything profound when we meet friends after a long time, it still feels so nice to just chat about random stuff.. 🙂 So good times in all.

The stay at my cousin’s wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, mainly ‘coz Minion was along this time 🙂 He had so much fun exploring the new place (while I was practically shadowing him to stop him from sending some knick knack crashing to the floor). Many of my relatives met Minion for the first time there and he was most assuredly a hit.. He toddled around, danced a bit on DJ night, made cute faces and followed pretty girls around 😛 That’s not to say he wasn’t cranky at all, or didn’t fuss, but considering that it was a new place with lots and lots of strangers, he coped remarkably well.. Ok enough boasting about him 🙂

DH couldn’t attend the wedding though he did manage to make it to the engagement the previous day (Arranged marriages in India often hold the engagement ceremony just a day before the wedding). Minion and I stayed there for 3 full days and returned home only about 2 days back. A nice enough break from work.

Work’s slow this week so mostly working on Secretaire. Aim to post soon about that in more detail soon..

Cya

Words & Language – Parse [New Category]

So this will should be a relatively short post. We’ve all been occasionally (or frequently as the case may be) come across words and been struck by how amazing words, languages and the human mind are. Every time I end up talking about this topic with DH, I end up sounding like an overenthusiastic loony. Yet I can’t help marvelling at how big a part words and languages play in development of cultures. The languages and words used by a culture and its people can tell one so much about what is important to them, how they think, their way of living, religion, philosophy etc. So many times a word from one language has no equivalent in another and this is most often true in case of words codifying a concept, an idea or a way of life.

See, I got all loony again 😛 Anyway, I’ll be adding random language and word related short posts focusing on one word/idea at a time. The word/idea need not be unique or amazing in any way, just something that triggered generic feeling of ‘words are so amazing!’ and ‘languages are so damn cool!’

So after all this context, the word for today is (definition courtesy dictionary.reference.com)

PARSE  [pahrz, pahrz]

verb (used with object), parsed, parsing.

1. to analyse (a sentence) in terms of grammatical constituents, identifying the parts of speech, syntactic relations, etc.
2. to describe (a word in a sentence) grammatically, identifying the part of speech, inflectional form, syntactic function, etc.
3. to analyse (something, as a speech or behaviour) to discover its implications or uncover a deeper meaning: Political columnists were in their glory, parsing the president’s speech on economy in minute detail.
4. Computers. to analyse (a string of characters) in order to associate groups of characters with the syntactic units of the underlying grammar.

verb (used without object), parsed, parsing.

1. to be able to be parsed; lend itself to parsing: Sorry, but your concluding paragraph simply doesn’t parse.

Why was this so cool? I was just thinking that it’s amazing that the meanings and connotations from different contexts (here formal grammar, programming) layer on top of each other to give us a richer, deeper feel for the word. Does that even make sense? To be honest, I’ve first come across parse as a concept via programming, but now using it in daily life makes so much sense, and then I wonder if that makes me sound like a nerd/geek 😛 and even if it did, would it be a bad thing? And then I start imagining who and in what circumstance first came with the concept of parsing..

Language and words are so damn cool! So are humans 🙂

Last 3 weeks and more. [Warning – Post gets slightly strange towards the end]

I almost turned back into that old version of me – the one who starts things and then doesn’t follow through. “I will write a blog,” she said, “and this time I’ll update it regularly too!” Bold intentions indeed 😛

So apologies to the new ‘me in progress’. In my defence, I truly was busy. Minion had a persistent cough and cold which lasted almost a month off and on. He gets better and then it rains, and he gets the sniffles and the coughing attacks again. What kind of messed up weather are we having this year anyway? Indian summers (especially in the northern plains) are supposed to be all about unrelenting heat that goes from dry and oven like to sweaty and humid. And this time it keeps raining every 10 days or so.

Work’s been busy too. I’ve been working on a web app solution which monitors miscellaneous devices over web. Last project, I mostly worked on the backend side, but this time due to some resource crunch, I’ve been learning some frontend skills as well. So I’ve been exploring and adapting a Twitter Bootstrap theme to use as the app frontend. It’s been interesting, though also a bit frustrating at times.

Secretaire has been temporarily put on hold. Rather, active work is on hold. My mind still keeps going into ‘oh wouldn’t xyz be a great/useful/cool capability/feature for Secretaire’ mode. But I’ve (finally) realised that attempting sudden transformations of personal habits does not work. So for now it’s enough to jot that ‘awesome xyz thingy’ down into a catch all document on Google Drive. Fortunately, the office projects are already turning out to be super useful in terms of helping me figure out different options, technologies and processes for Secretaire. So it’s all good. I’m really looking forward to picking this up again in maybe another 2-3 weeks time. The office project should be in a better situation by then. Let’s see…

On the fitness front, I was all excited about starting taekwondo classes starting from beginning of this month. Unfortunately it seems like that plan will need to be abandoned. The classes were supposed to be held on Saturday and Sunday mornings in our apartment society. But every Friday the trainer postpones the start by another week citing various reasons. And now it turns out he hasn’t had anyone apart from me show any interest, which basically means I’ll not be able to start classes since personal coaching costs too much. I even put up flyers asking people if they would be interested in case we increased the frequency to thrice a week and adjusted timings so that people needing to leave early for work could attend. But nothing yet. I’m sad and disappointed. It’s not easy to figure out ‘exercise’ I’ve liked and would be likely to stick to.

On the plus side, Minion and I got to spend two days at my mom’s place. My maternal grandparents (nana-nani) were also in town, and so was my aunt’s family (mausi-mausa). It was nice catching up and I also have a cousin’s wedding in the first week of May to look forward too :). On the negative side, DH is out of town till Wed. So that makes it a long absence of six days…

I really do need to post regularly. Obscurity of Coffee, Spice & Ink is no reason to let it gather cobwebs. I like writing, though I seem to prefer being lazy. Plus, those random thoughts and ideas that just disappear need to be corralled and put to useful work. Silly things need a firmer hand if they are to amount to anything.

On a side note, have you ever felt that writing a blog feels remarkably like talking to yourself? I have had some trouble figuring out if I should be mentally addressing a fictional friend or myself. I think it should depend on the content. After all it doesn’t make sense to tell yourself what you’ve been up to. Yet all the wonderful advice I spout is clearly intended for myself. So it’s settled.

My blog has two type of readers. First – the brilliant, sympathetic (and interested) friend who doesn’t mind if I occasionally crow about stuff I did/achieved. My friend might find me a bit strange at times, but I don’t care. She’s the best. Doesn’t matter if she’s shy or a chatterbox. If she’s 20 or 50. She’s genuine and nice and does the best she can. We connect.

The second reader is my alter ego. The one I need to scold into doing stuff it ought to be doing without being told (that make sense?) The one I need to occasionally provide excuses for. The one I’m still getting to know after so many years and whose way of thinking still surprises me. She needs to learn to be more tactful and forgiving. She needs to stop worrying about things she can do nothing about (it’s soooo hard though). And she needs to stop being lazy. She needs to learn that she all by herself can make herself, and those around her a tiny bit happier. Even if she’s really irritating at times I like her. After all she is a work in progress.

What is Productivity to me

I was reading my feeds on feedly this morning and by chance Lifehacker had many productivity related articles that seemed interesting enough to read. (I save the links I like from feedly to pocket) That along with the planning about the MySecretary project, led me to start thinking about what productivity means to me, how I approach it, and whether to me it is worth all the hype.

Honestly, I don’t really care about being ‘productive’. That label as it is used just focuses on ticking off tasks and getting a lot done each day. I realised that I agreed with many of the points raised by Thorin Klosowski in his article Productivity isn’t everything. The intent of trying to manage work, chores, projects etc better isn’t to feel busy but to manage time. The whole reason of trying to manage time is so that you can eke out more time for things you really want to do!

If I think about it in more depth, I want to find a task/calendar/schedule/time management system that ‘just works’ for me. In other words, I suppose I want to find my perfect life management system. Everyone of us begins trying to cobble together such a system out of various components right from childhood. As a child, my days were structured around school timings, class timetable, homework, and sleeping hours. Correspondingly I wanted to maximise the time I could spend playing, reading novels, random hobbies like drawing, and in conversations with my dad. So what I’d do was estimate the time homework should take and finish off the maximum I could during the afternoons. That left the evenings usually free for play. Then if needed another stretch of homework after 7ish and once that was done, all the time was mine to enjoy. Sigh.. simpler times indeed! 🙂

Today, my days are structured around office timings, transit times, projects & responsibilities at work, my son’s creche timings, household chores, social obligations, and sleep requirements (turns out I turn extremely cranky with inadequate sleep OR food 😛 ) Correspondingly stuff I’d like to have time for  has grown a lot. For instance

• I’d like to have some time (and motivation) everyday for some kind of exercise routine that I actually enjoy. This is more of a it’s-supposed-to-be-good-for-you and do-you-want-to-be-cursing-your-unfit-body-when-you-are-old deal rather than something I really enjoy at the moment.
• I’d like to do good work. By that I mean not panic about upcoming deadlines, be able to manage and detail out projects better, pick more important things to work on, get control of workload so that there is time for genuine brainstorming.
• I’d like to have time to spend with my son & DH without the ‘things that need to be done’ intruding into it. I’d like to play with minion, make him laugh (as only babies and toddlers know how to), watch him tear newspapers.. I’d like to curl up with DH on the rare days minion sleeps at a decent hour and watch a movie.
• I’d like the time and the peace to be able to think, introspect and dream. It’s essential to me to get some alone time so that I can catch my breath and recharge.
• I’d like to learn for myself and not just because it’s a requirement for some office project. I’d like being able to work on personal projects like MySecretary.
• I’d like the time (and the sticking power) to give writing a serious go. Not just blogging, I’d like to be able to write good fiction. Ok I admit its a really long term goal/dream but unless I can consistently spend time & effort on it, it’ll remain just that.
• I’d like time to pursue random interests from time to time. Maybe dabble in painting, practice origami, learn to dance, catch a play, grow some plants. Shrug nothing concrete, but it’d be nice to be able to indulge in random but nice activities…
• I’d like to keep having the time, interest & energy to read
• I’d like to be able to travel as a family and visit different places.

So basically just like every single person on this planet, I’d like to do a ton of things that it’d be near impossible to have time for. And this time, it’s not going to be simple to come up with a way to manage these demands and desires. That is where ‘productivity’ for me comes in.

I feel productive if I’ve been able to reasonably manage these often conflicting demands. I want a productivity system that allows me to fill more of stuff I’d like time for into my days despite the constraints and demands. I’d like to spend the least amount of time possible on tedious, low personal value tasks like paying bills, household chores, and the like. I’d like to not worry about forgetting an event five months into the future. I’d like to keep track of my son’s doctor appointments. I’d like to not have to hustle 2 days prior to an expected visit from the relatives. I’d like to not have to worry about non-work issues at work or work issues at home.

And given that I seem to have an unavoidable fascination with todo lists, and the like, I’ve frequently fallen into the trap of having to maintain a huge system to simplify just one aspect of life. That is just not worth it. So I’m in an always ongoing search of the set of components and systems that will make it easy for me to be happy and productive without feeling like a rat in a maze.

Amen 😛

Related articles

• Productivity Isn’t Everything

Of Todo Apps and Ambitious Ideas.

So yesterday has been a promising start to the ‘new me’ campaign. Some walking & hooping for exercise, followed by working on my personal web app project after work till DH returned from work (he usually returns latish). That resulted in me dreaming vaguely and unsettling about python, bootstrap template themes and creeping around sleeping dragons (I’m currently reading one of Robin Hobb’s Rain Wild Chronicles). Though it made for a strange night, I’d heartily recommend Robin Hobb’s novels for readers interested in the fantasy genre.

I’m toying vaguely with writing intermittently about the web app development process as well. Aargh, this whole ‘personal web app project’ description could get old very fast… So let me give you some context and then label it. I’m one of those people who love making lists, schedules & plans (please note that I haven’t made any claims on being able to follow said schedules & plans 😛 ). I’m not anal about it but if there’s a lot of stuff going on, I have trouble picking what to do next. This becomes a deadly combination when you take procrastination and boring tasks into account. So having a list in front of me and a visual calendar helps me think. Plus there’s less chance of ‘forgetting’ something, though not picking something ‘coz it’d be tedious still happens more that I’d like it to.

Anyway, long story short, I’ve tried out lots of software and apps aiming to make managing that part of my life easier. (I’m currently trying out todoist) I keep running into the same old issue each time. I try to fit the solutions available to my style of working; I use projects, subtasks, labels, categories, folders and the like; but somehow after a week or so it ends up being more work entering tasks and calendar entries than it feels worth to me. So after lots of cribbing sessions and figurative throwing up of hands I got the bright (and ambitious) idea of rolling my own personal todo+calendar app. I’ve been learning some back-end web app development at work anyway and this project should allow me to add some basic front-end skills as well. Thus I started ‘Secretaire’ (I know it is not the greatest name but it serves my purpose for the time being 🙂 ). I can no longer whine about the features available or the workflow restrictions. The plan is to precisely tailor it to my purpose (and have fun with it in the meantime).

That reminds me, I asked a few people I know which todo/calendar apps they used and all of them said NONE!!! They all said they preferred keeping everything in their minds and in extreme cases they use plain old pen and paper. I didn’t expect that!. And these were all seriously busy people, juggling multiple complex projects at work as well as families and daily chores.. Amazing people to be sure. I guess I am the one lacking in the appropriate brain capacity around here 😛 How about you people? Do you take the help of any particular app or somehow manage with your brain alone? 😛

Anyway, I suppose I’ll give fair warning here. There might be some (or many) posts about Secretaire here as well. I’m not sure of my ability to write consistently to consider having a separate blog for those worth it for now.

Some advice to myself

I suppose it is quite common to occasionally feel that your days lack focus. I’ve been feeling restless, whiny and irritated for the last several days, and though some of that could be chalked up to dealing with an achy tooth, it has been sucking up all the patience out of me. That is not to say I was not enjoying my morning glass of cold coffee or Minion’s antics any less. It was just.. a formless dissatisfaction.

So what do I do? I ping  GreenDot and crib and whine and crib some more. (GreenDot’s definitely headed towards sainthood 🙂 ) It didn’t really make the problems go away but it did help me figure out what they were. Basically, I was fed up of starting things and then giving up before they even managed to gain any momentum.

This has been a pattern with me since the last several years. I get all enthusiastic about a hobby, a project or a goal. So I plan, research, buy stuff (if applicable) and maybe even manage to keep up the enthusiasm for a decent amount of time. But as soon as the ‘doing’ starts, I lose steam quickly. I aim to do better. I WILL do better. How in the world is anyone supposed to take such behaviour seriously? I certainly couldn’t! I need to keep myself motivated and somewhat accountable to myself.

Hence this blog. So for now, my advice to myself about ‘doing’ stuff is –

1. Maintain the damn blog consistently for once.
2. Improve personal fitness levels. No more whining that ‘I just don’t like exercising’. Big deal. Everyone needs to do things they don’t like. Grow up.
3. Time is not going to be extra indulgent to you. If you want to write down letters for your son, do it. Capture his childhood and the joy you take in him. Capture your hopes, your thoughts, your voice. He’ll (hopefully) treasure those when he’s all grown up. Even if he doesn’t you know you’ll love rereading them yourself 🙂
4. Put in some real effort and time on your personal web app project. At worst you’ll learn a lot of stuff. At best you’ll end up with something useful.
5. Finding time for things you want to do is up to you. Deep down you know that no one ever gains anything without paying a price for that gain. For you that might mean waking up early. It might mean not reading quite so many novels at home. It might mean less random surfing. But in return you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you are not wasting the days away. Time is trickling away. Don’t waste it.

Whew! I give awesome advice to myself, don’t I? 🙂 Now I just need to follow it. Sigh…