It’s been a hectic two weeks. New workplace, a new set of colleagues, challenges and opportunities… But with the good has come some not so good. Minion’s been sick almost the full week with a bad case of viral fever and cough. I took a day off, my sister pitched in for another two days and the playschool has been super supportive as well. So even though it was difficult to leave him at his playschool every morning at 7 20, it really made me appreciate the value of good support. I can try doing things on my own but I won’t be able to. That is a fact. I’ll need the help of people, and irrespective of whether the help is from family, people I pay for, or the help or kindly strangers who listen to a frazzled and worried mum on the metro and tell her to persist ‘coz it’ll get better, this help is highly appreciated and welcome. Thank you all. And hopefully Minion will be mostly better by Monday…
introspection
Priorities and Life Goals III – The Plan
I promised in my last post (Priorities and Life Goals II – The Current Situation) that I’d post soon about drafting a plan given the current concerns and situation. So I’ve already started working on some of these points, and the rest will hopefully fall into place sooner rather than later. 🙂
The main concerns for me right now are Money, Job change, Taekwondo, Secretaire, Rental issues and generic concerns about managing day to day life (like most people). Let’s take them one at a time here (in no particular order of importance) –
Taekwondo – There’s nothing earth shattering that needs to be done. I have already enrolled in the classes, paid the money. Now I just need to make sure I get up in time to make the 6 AM class. I checked with the trainer today and he said I could bring Minion along in case DH was out of the city, and we’ll see how that goes. So just some mental fortitude needed, the stamina etc should improve gradually on its own.
Job Change – I thought about my interests, ideal working life etc, and the ideal job for me right now would be –
- Does not require relocation. (Non negotiable)
- Pays decent money. (values for decent can vary depending on how good the remaining 3 factors are)
- Lets me work on something interesting using Python or C++ (nice to have, but I need a job, not my calling)
- Doesn’t have a totally crazy schedule (factors would be work hours, work loads, commute, team) (Very important, probably wouldn’t be able to manage a lot of craziness here for long)
- Gives me a chance to learn one or more of these – Ruby, Javascript, Node.js, Android App development or iOS App development, either as part of job, or by having other people/teams working on these for me to bug 😛 (Bonus. I talked to one of my ex colleague that with no experience in mobile dev, how to I get to a stage where I can get a role doing that. He suggested I learn as many of these as possible, focusing on getting very comfortable with them one at a time. So if I have possible mentors at work, it’ll be a big bonus.)
Now I know you’ll say that I’m greedy and want everything! I say that if I don’t know the ideal thing, how’ll I decide where to try? I think these factors are more or less in their order of importance… I’ve already uploaded my resume a few places and got a few initial calls.. I have all twenty fingers (including toes :P) crossed hoping that something suitable turns up…
Rental Issues – In the meantime the builder contacted us with the welcome news that our new (smaller) flat might be ready by September. So that means if it takes another month or two to get the customization & wood work etc done, we might be able to move in by December… Sure the society won’t have many families living there initially, and it’ll not have convenient options for grocery shopping, an existing maid network (living in India, affordable household help is probably the biggest support for a family) etc available right away… But I think it’ll be worth it. Plus financially it should reduce some burden since we’d just have to manage the EMI rather than also fork out the rent (which has gotten insane!) every 1st. So I just need to hold out for a few more months (hopefully) 🙂
So the plan that seems to be sketching itself out is to concentrate on preparing for interviews and aiming for a good job in the short term. The rental issue will take care of itself in its own time. Taekwondo doesn’t need too much effort from me.
When it comes to Secretaire, I think it can fulfil multiple duties.
- I’ll have something interesting to work on as a side project even if the daily work is not that interesting.
- I’ll get to create something useful for myself (and hopefully for others).
- I can use it to learn a few of those technologies/skills I was talking about earlier. I’m thinking I should concentrate on Javascript and Ruby…
- Stretch Goal – If things go unexpectedly well, I might consider making it public (thereby creating a tiny, additional revenue stream)
But I think I need to make it clear to myself that for now this has the lowest priority. I’m only allowed to work on it if my brain’s not taking any other information in while preparing for technical interviews. And I’m not allowed to work on it for more than 2 hrs a day in any case (I know I’ll start finding excuses otherwise). I also need to remember that ramping up at the new job will need to have the biggest priority initially. Basically, I love you secretaire, but you will have to be happy with whatever time and energy I’m able to spare for now. 🙂
I’m in an enviable position as regards my current job in that my employer (it’s a small company, not primarily working in software) knows I’m looking for something new and doesn’t mind so long as I don’t neglect my current responsibilities (which aren’t that time consuming)
Yay for understanding employers!
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Priorities and Life Goals II – The Current Situation
So in thematic continuation of my last post, I’ve been revisiting my goals, priorities etc the last few days (maybe weeks? Seems like this is something that sort of keeps going on in the background…), and it’s been interesting…
As expected, there wasn’t much of a change in the core values, health, happiness, family and financial security are still the major themes. However I spent some more time analysing where I am and figuring out some kind of tentative plan given the current situation. Many of these realisations are not sudden, but it helps to collect all pertinent inputs at one point. So that is the focus of this post – evaluating and summarising the CURRENT SITUATION. Without having a clear view of that, I don’t think there’d be much sense in deciding on a plan, either short OR medium term.
So here’s a quick recap of my thoughts (in no particular order of importance), and my internal comments about them 😛 (for interest you may look at this post to compare with earlier versions 🙂 )
- I’ve confirmed that I learning something concrete is something I enjoy. It really energises me. That ought to have been obvious!
- I enjoy getting to pick technologies I’d work on for a project. But it’s probably too much to expect this level of freedom in all professional situations.
- I hate living in a rented apartment and would willingly move to a smaller place which was my own and where I’d be free to customise things my way. Maybe it’s just me, but I just can’t seem to summon up interest in prettifying our current place, even though it’s got potential. Relatively stupid point I know, but it’s really become a source of irritation lately.
- I am not happy with our finances. More specifically, I’m not happy with mine. Need to improve my earnings and better manage expenses, savings and investments.
- Thus, for starters, I need a new, better paying job. The current one has been great as regards flexibility and learning opportunity and was heaven sent when I was expecting Minion, despite the huge pay-cut I agreed to. But it’s no longer suiting. Apart from the finances, there hasn’t been much learning going on either for the last few months.
- However I’m also concerned about how it’d affect Minion. As the situation stands today, DH is frequently out of the city, and gets home pretty late. The crèche we use is working out great but the work load, timings and location might not work with a new job. Note concerns here and recognise that you’ll have to balance the relevant factors to the best extent possible. Now move on.
- The waking up early thing is still not consistently successful. What is wrong with you? This item has been on your focus list since last 5 years at least. Even if you find it difficult to get up early naturally, there’s just no other option! Where else will you find time for stuff you want to do?
- Taekwondo has been off to a good start but I can notice some slacking off lately. I know it’s hard. And it hurts to do everything after a class.. But if you let it fall away yet again.. you know it’ll make you feel worse. Not to mention it’s the only consistent time you work your body beyond the basic walking and lifting groceries deal. So chin up.
- I love secretaire – the concept of it, figuring out how to build it, actually working on it. So try and not let it fall through the cracks coz of the other stuff going on.
- I still love the ‘idea’ of writing.. But that is probably just clouding the scenario. I doubt you have the time or energy or the ideas or the discipline to pursue this right now. Postpone this for now and re-evaluate next time. And since next time here probably means in a few months max, don’t whine, we’ll eventually get to this too (hopefully :P)
That’s it for the sitrep. Will have a new post soon about drafting a short/medium term plan given current concerns.
Cya
Introspection – Revisiting Priorities and Life Goals
If there is one thing we introverts like doing, it is thinking. I’ve spent countless hours imagining stuff, working out hypothetical scenarios, dreading imaginary disasters.. you get the picture I am sure. However if there’s one thing I’ve found genuinely useful and learnt to enjoy, it’s regularly revisiting my life goals and priorities.
It has always seemed slightly tragic to me when people rue the choices they made in times past. Everyone of us has some advice for our past versions, courtesy hindsight. We know ourselves better today than we did five, ten or twenty years back. We are usually more confident in our skin, have a better idea of where we’d like to go, and a better sense of how the world works. That is natural. Yet I don’t want to be the woman who achieved a much greater financial success at 45 than she dreamed of, but has no clear memories of her son’s early years. I don’t want to be the woman who sighs at 50, rubbing her aching, swollen knees, and wishes she had not given such a low priority to her own health while she was young. I don’t want to be the woman who at 60 wishes she had developed some of her hobbies enough to have something interesting to do today.
If you can identify something you may come to regret badly five, ten, twenty, forty years down the line, then it seems to me that that potential regret should make it to your list of concerns. You need to figure out who you are today, what makes you feel happy and excited today, what your short term priorities are, and align them with your long term vision of your life. You need to continuously and regularly be aware of what you ask from this life. Identify those aspects in life which will guide you throughout life. And you need to adjust them as and when required.
I think I’ve identified my basic life goals. I wish for myself and my loved ones to be healthy and happy. That’s pretty much it at the core.
Now here’s where it gets interesting. If I want to make these the guiding principles of my life, I need to know what makes me happy and excited today. Which futures scare me? What can I do in the short term that will increase our present and future happiness and health? Which behaviours and habits should I try to incorporate in (or weed out of) our daily life?
As I keep trying to answer these questions, over time certain themes emerge. It would be difficult to be healthy and happy without a minimal level of financial security. That means I need to pay attention to our finances and my career. Which for now might mean evaluating if I need to learn that new programming language, or switch companies. Strained relationships would definitely make our family unhappy. This makes me think more in the direction of what kind of a home atmosphere and family dynamic I want to promote today. Which tendencies in myself do I want to avoid. Maybe I need to listen more, judge less quickly, cultivate patience…
You see what I mean? If you know what you want in you life, you can ask questions to yourself that will help you figure out the areas you should be concentrating on today. These exercises of course involve attempts to chart a course with minimal inputs. But in any case you need to decide on today’s actions based on your understanding and wisdom today, not your advice from five years later. This approach works well for my mental peace, and I no longer feel quite so overwhelmed with things after one of these sessions. I just need to remember that these are tentative plans, and should be re-evaluated whenever new inputs arrive, or whenever something disruptive happens.
This way I hope to avoid serious regrets later in life. I know that’s probably overly optimistic, but it’s better than having no plan and trusting to luck…
What do you think?
The link between visualisation and being more self-aware.
Over the last few weeks, the term visualization technique has been coming up a little too often while browsing the net. For those needing a bit of simple explanation, it essentially says that one can achieve goals, success etc in the ‘real’ world by visualizing it over and over and believing in it. Now I can’t quite swallow the idea that just visualising myself getting fitter would do one bit towards making me fitter if I don’t put in the effort needed. I need to consistently exercise in the right way, eat right, and not give in to laziness and temptation too often. Just imagining myself as this lean toned lady isn’t going to help.
Honestly, I’m slightly ashamed to tell you that I did just this when I was preparing for my engineering entrance exams the first time round. I’d waste time daydreaming/imagining how amazing it’d be to go to class with intelligent, curious people, be taught by seriously awesome professors, live in a hostel (ok childish I know but I was not even 17 then!) and learn different new skills, . It didn’t work out like that and I essentially tanked my examinations. I wouldn’t say the daydreaming was the only factor, but the dismal results really opened my eyes to reality. Wishing for a thing doesn’t make it happen all by itself. You need to put in the sweat, blood and tears that it needs. You need that focus, that energy and that attitude a lot more than you need prayers and positive imagery.
I wouldn’t say that prayers and positive visualization don’t have their place. They really help with reducing nervousness and increasing confidence. They also probably serve as motivation to many people. What I don’t believe is that you just need to believe something will happen and it will. That’s too simplistic and all discussions on this topic should make that clear 🙂
Now that the caveats are out of the way, I still think visualization is a pretty nifty trick. Pretty much everyone is running after success. Trying to visualise that would actually force them to think about what success means to them. What do they see their life as like once they’ve achieved that mythical success? Do they see themselves giving celebrity interviews to Times magazine? Their restaurant consistently in the best restaurants lists of the country? Holidaying in the Alps with their family? What?
The popular culture is sceptical of introspection, but I sincerely believe you need to build a genuine model of yourself over time. That’s the basis for everything. You are unique in this world and who you are, what makes you feel happy or excited, what your fears are, what fascinates you, what values drive you, which professions and lifestyles inspire you, all of it will affect your life. It’ll affect others in your life, your partner, your friends, your family, your colleagues… It’ll affect how you approach goals, how you measure success, and what makes you happy.
Visualization, to me, is like a trick forcing me to distill some aspects of myself into words, images, and conscious thoughts. And every time I do it, I may discover a new piece of knowledge about myself. All this focus on ‘self’ probably sounds very selfish (haha), but it isn’t truly. I sincerely believe that the better you know yourself, the better you can empathise. You have a better idea of the kind of motivations that drive people. How even someone basically good can experience destructive emotions. Being self-aware makes you more forgiving of people, and more willing to give them the benefit of doubt.
And it really helps you see the bigger picture in terms of your life, and how it interconnects with so many other peoples. How various factors sometimes make it turn in surprising way. It lets you see the hand of your parents and mentors in your values, behaviours and personality.
Ok this is going off track. I had intended writing about visualization, not singing praises in the cause of being self aware 😛 Better stop before this post ends up somewhere even weirder.
Coffee, Spice & Ink 